Living the Dream

Discovering your dream is absolutely key to eventually living your dream. Most of us coast along in life, doing the things that are necessary to get us through day-to-day living. Then at the end of such a life, we die, never having had our dreams come true. I know because that’s the kind of life I was living when I suddenly found the audacity to ask myself what was the desire of my heart[1]. I had never asked myself that question, so of course, I wasn’t living the life of my dreams.

It’s not that the desire wasn’t there. It’s that I had never articulated my desire. And having never put my desire into words, I had never set any goals for myself. I have come to understand that the only truly impossible goals are the ones never set.

So I stated my desire: to live in Europe. And once that desire was stated, I began doing whatever I could to move myself in that direction. As a housewife in rural Connecticut at the time, there wasn’t much that I could do, but I did what I could: I prayed. And I didn’t just pray, I prayed, using Bible verses to ignite my desire. The first was the verse that had set this all in motion, Psalm 37:4:

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.

Every day as I read the Bible, I found more and more verses to add to my prayer initiative. And I prayed with conviction, believing that this was God’s invitation, so He had every intention of making it happen.

That’s an important element of dreams: if your dream is achievable without God’s assistance, you would have already done it.

But it still felt like I needed to do something else, so I started taking language classes. I took German. I didn’t end up in Germany, and I never got beyond a few phrases in German, but I have spent time in Germany, Austria, and the German-speaking part of Switzerland. I had guessed wrong, but God didn’t count that against me—not at all. I believe that it was my willingness to stretch myself and learn another language that worked in my favor.

Beyond naming the dream, in Life Coaching we learn to honor our discontent. Now, I can’t say that I was terribly discontented. My life in Connecticut was actually pretty good in almost all aspects. I was a Sunday School teacher, a leader of Children’s Church, Storytime reader at the local library, and a volunteer librarian at my son’s elementary school. I also served as a substitute teacher at the local Christian school. All that made me kind of a celebrity among the town’s children. Why would I want to give that up?

But there was something, some small thing of discontent in my life: I knew deep in my heart that I had been made for more than this. Also, my marriage wasn’t great. We were comfortably in a truce at that time, but I can’t say that we were happy. Now, what was moving to Europe going to do about that? I had no idea at the time. So instead of dwelling on my discontents, I embraced the dream. With all my strength, I embraced the dream.

What about you? What’s your dream? Is it one worth embracing with all your might? If not, then you’re probably not dreaming big enough. Many people have lived such small lives that dreaming big is simply too difficult for them to even imagine. In that case, my advice is this: don’t put limits on your dream, on yourself, or on God.

[1] You can read the whole story in my about page: https://you-can-live-the-dream.com/about/.

New Year’s resolutions are often sadly forgotten in a few weeks, if they even last that long. They say that it takes 21 days to establish a new habit. I think there’s truth in that, but in order to get to 21 days, the first thing you’ve got to do is make a decision.

The problem with quality decisions is that, once made, it can seem like all the world conspires to make you go back to your old, unhealthy habits. After all, they became habits because they are oh, so comfortable—familiar like old friends. But some of those old friends can rob you of your health, your happiness, even your future. This is why it is vitally important to back up your quality decision.

One way to bolster your quality decision is to find an accountability partner. I’m not saying to let the whole world in on your decision. We all have that negative friend who wants to “help you be more realistic.” But their type of realism is really lifestyle sabotage. No, you need to find someone who longs to live a healthier lifestyle and join forces with them.

Even if you can’t find an accountability partner, you can be your own accountability partner. Make a contract with yourself. It doesn’t have to be written, as long as you honor the contract as if it’s legally binding. And be specific.

My personal health journey began with such a decision in the beginning of 2020. I found that my blood pressure was edging up into the dangerous zone. Both my mother and grandmother had high blood pressure in their later years. But I had this crazy idea that I could lower my blood pressure naturally, without pharmaceutical medications. My “realistic friend” told me that it’s better if I just go to the doctor and get on blood pressure medication as soon as possible. But I decided that pharmaceuticals would be my go-to only if all else failed. I wanted try something natural first. For me, the obvious first step was to lose weight. At 216 pounds, I was borderline obese.

I started on a keto diet with intermittent fasting and daily exercise. It wasn’t easy at first. I didn’t know it, but I was a full-blown sugar addict. Because I stuck with it, keto worked well for me. First, it got the sugar monkey off my back. Being high in fat, it was so satisfying that I wasn’t hungry between meals. And being high in protein, I never felt the shakiness and weakness that I had felt with other diets. I also chose an easily sustainable exercise program: a daily walk. In the summer I added a swim a few times a week.

The weight came off pretty much effortlessly. But it never would have happened without making that quality decision—a decision that I did have to defend. Now, my challenge to you: What is your health goal? Find your why and you’re halfway there.

If you need an accountability partner, but can’t find one, reach out to me by commenting on this post below. I will be your accountability partner and cheerleader because I want to see you reach your goals and get healthy.

There is one key that is absolutely essential to achieving your dreams: aligning your values with God’s values. This doesn’t mean becoming religious. In fact, in many ways religion is opposed to morality. Take for example, people who think that killing abortion doctors is serving God. God is the Author of Life, so taking a life is not a godly act.

Aligning your values with God’s values means getting to know God. The best way to get to know God is the same way you get to know any person: spend time with Him. I know that at first it can feel like you’re talking to your imaginary friend. That’s why it’s also really important to include daily Bible reading. In the Bible, you will get to know God through the names He calls Himself:

He said, “If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in His sight, obeying His commands and keeping all His decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you[1].”

You will also get to know God through the things He did. For example, there is no person in recorded scripture that Jesus refused to heal—no one!

But so much better than me simply telling you this is for you to experience it for yourself. You may think that you know what love looks and feels like, but to experience that infinite, unconditional love is something that cannot be described. Love that left the comforts and delights of Heaven to endure the hardships and indignities of human existence to rescue you. It is unfathomable, but nevertheless real.

Have you ever contemplated the miracle of your own birth? Most people have not, but it truly is a miracle. The chances of you being born alive on the precise day and time, to the parents you have, are only 1 in 400,000,000,000. Just by being born, you’ve already won the great cosmic lottery. And that number is far greater if you were born after 1973, when abortion became legal and widely available in the US. Which, is another way that you are a miracle: if you were born in the US—even to a poor family—you’re far more fortunate than the vast majority of people in the world.

Some people would have us think that we are just an accident of cosmic dust, chemicals, and lightning. But the truth is that there are no accidents.

Listen to Me, descendants of Jacob, all you who remain in Israel. I have cared for you since you were born. Yes, I carried you before you were born[2].

I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations[3].”

Yes, these verses were written to specific people, but the Bible has many layers of meaning, and often things said to specific people turn out to be instructive for all of us. The rabbis say that coincidence is not a Kosher word. In other words: there are no coincidences, no accidents.

If you don’t already have a relationship with God, hear His invitation today: He loves you. He wants you to know that infinite and intimate love. He wants to give you the life of your dreams—a life beyond what you’ve ever even allowed yourself to dream.

[1] Exodus 15:26, emphasis mine.

[2] Isaiah 46:3, emphasis mine.

[3] Jeremiah 1:5, emphasis mine.

They say that some people live ninety years and others live one year ninety times. The difference is that those living their years to the fullest are living their dreams. People have called me lucky, but the truth is that I have learned to stop limiting God and to stop limiting myself. The truth is that you live the life of your dream lives once you stop limiting God.

Life has taught you to look at conditions to determine the opportunities and possibilities. The truth is that you don’t have the slightest idea of what’s possible, only what’s possible in your human state. But your heart knows. Call it intuition, imagination, or perception, the truth is that when you are able to envision your heart’s desire and the dreams that will bring you true happiness, you yearn. That yearning is the inner knowledge that you were made for more than a life of just getting by.

God speaks to me. He speaks to you, too. God is always speaking. Even in silence, God is speaking through His creation:

The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display His craftsmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make Him known.
They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world[1].

When you bring your values in alignment with His values, you will hear His voice. Perhaps not as a booming voice from Heaven, but certainly as an inner voice, a voice of guidance. This voice may not make sense to you at first, but it is there to help you recognize and nurture the thoughts that build your dreams.

Why would God help you build your dreams? Because when your values align with His values, He welcomes you as His collaborator. The things God does in this world, He mostly does through us. And when we’ve been broken, it makes us more beautiful and useful vessels, as in the story of the Broken Clay Pot:

A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on an end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house, the cracked pot arrived only half full.

For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream.

“I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.”
“Why?” asked the bearer. “What are you ashamed of?”
“I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts.” the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.” Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the Pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.

The bearer said to the pot, “Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other pots side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

Each of us has our own unique flaws. We’re all cracked pots. But if we will allow it, the Lord will use our flaws to grace His Father’s table. In God’s great economy, nothing goes to waste. Don’t be afraid of your flaws.

Acknowledge them, and you too can be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness your strength is made perfect[2].

The underlying principle of dream building is this: The power that is within you is greater than anything that is in your surroundings. You and God are a formidable team. The power within you is greater than any circumstance in your life. The power that is within you is greater than your history.

The main thing that is holding you back is negative thoughts that will keep you from your dreams. But you can change your thoughts and use them in service of your dreams. Changing your thoughts to best build your dreams is a two-step process: First, you must release condition-based thinking. If your thoughts are always on what you don’t want to happen, you could inadvertently bring about those very circumstances. That’s exactly what happened to Job:

What I always feared has happened to me. What I dreaded has come true[3].

Another example is that if you want to lose weight by avoiding pizza, you’re going to find yourself more tempted than ever by pizza.

The second part of the process is to focus on what you do want to create, regardless of your conditions. Using the weight loss example, if you think about the delicious salad you’re going to have for dinner, then you look forward to that salad and do not think about the pizza that would thwart your efforts. This is true even if you work in a pizza parlor.

The truth is that you are the author of your own thoughts. The past does not dictate your future. All the power is in this moment: the NOW. Allow yourself to explore the possibilities of your dreams. Fill your mind with what you would like to be and do and create and give. Use your inner power in collaboration with God to write your future in a way that supports your dreams.

[1] Psalm 19:1-4.

[2] 2 Corinthians 12:9.

[3] Job 3:25, emphasis mine.

Part Two

In the midst of depression I began learning the skills of Life Coaching. It’s as if a crazy optimism took hold of me, despite the crushing depression and anxiety I was going through. What I believe is that God threw me a lifeline, and I grabbed hold of it with all my might.

In 1990 I had walked away from God and done my own thing for eight years. He began wooing me back, but that’s a story for another time. In 2008 I was a strong believer with a daily habit of Bible and prayer time. By that time I knew that the suicidal thoughts (and the hallucinations of 1990) were signs of demonic oppression. That knowledge didn’t help much, but it was there.

One thing that I remembered from 1990 was suddenly becoming aware of the negative self-talk that I was practicing. As soon as I heard myself say bad things to myself, I stopped, reframed, and said something affirming to myself. It worked in 1990, but by 2008 I had forgotten about it. Then something reminded me of the affirmations. Knowing that I had nothing to lose, I began an affirmations journal. I wrote, recited, and repeated affirmations obsessively all day long. Whenever the pain was most unbearable, I redoubled my efforts and affirmations.

By the beginning of 2009 depression finally lifted. But more than that, I had bought a house that was all my own, and I was beginning to really live a life of my own. During this time, my nephew asked me to drive him to church. I didn’t really feel like going to church and socializing with people, but I knew that it was where I needed to be. So I did. Being a teenager, he went off with his friends as soon as we arrived, so I would go to the front of the church and bow my head as if in prayer. The truth is that I couldn’t pray that way because my mind kept harping on the divorce like a dog with a bone. But looking like I was praying kept people from talking to me. And being down front was the perfect place to hear from God with no distractions. When the worship started I threw my hands in the air and worshipped with all my heart. Was it a hand-raising church? I had no idea! Everyone was behind me. I didn’t care. This was between me and God.

One day after church, as I closed the door to my house, I felt God asking me: “Are you ready to give Me everything?” The divorce hadn’t left me rich, but money was not a big concern for me—in fact, money was the only thing I really wasn’t worried about. I felt like He was posing the same question to me that He had to the rich young ruler in Matthew 19:16-22:

If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow Me[1].

I had bought this sweet little house just months before. I was just beginning to settle into a comfortable life. Sell all your possessions. It seemed harsh. But then I had to acknowledge that without God, I truly had nothing. So I said yes and held my breath, waiting for the command to give everything to the poor. But He didn’t say anything like that. Months later I was riding my bike, praising God in Italian. I stopped and said, “Lord, I bet I’m the only person in Texas praising you in Italian.” I didn’t expect an answer, but He spoke audibly: “Come back to Italy!” It was exactly what I wanted to do, so I went straight home and booked a flight to Italy.

While I was in Italy, God revealed my ministry to me: encouraging missionaries. It was something I love doing—I hadn’t even known that it was ministry. Just two months after my trip to Italy, I had moved there.

None of this would have come about without those affirmations—at least not as quickly as it happened. There is far more to Life Coaching than affirmations, but that is a terrific place to start.

What about you? Have you ever listened to your self-talk? You might be a compassionate person to others, but what about to yourself? Why not start today to build yourself up instead of tearing yourself down?

[1] Matthew 19:21.

My first severe bout of depression was in 1990. In reality, I had struggled with depression all my life, but 1990 showed me just how deeply depression can affect someone. Soon after moving to a new state, I had just come back from my first visit to my childhood home. The juxtaposition of my wildly free childhood with my prisonlike life of 1990 sent me spiraling into a depression like nothing I had ever experienced before.

For those who have never suffered true depression, let me explain a few things:

• Telling someone to “snap out of it” or “cheer up” is not only not helpful, it reveals you as a person that is not safe to confide in. Since I was new to the area, I had no friends. My husband took the car to work every day, so I was stuck at home in a wooded neighborhood, with nowhere to go. My friends and family were so distant that they had no idea how bad things were for me—and I simply lacked both the words and the courage to tell them.
• Beyond that, I also lacked the strength to tell them. You see, depression is exhausting. Every breath feels like a chore—one that you feel ready to stop doing. The pain in your heart isn’t exactly physical, but it’s real nonetheless.
• Sleep is your only escape from depression, which is why most sufferers seem to sleep their lives away. However, I am of the minority for whom sleep becomes elusive. I was only sleeping about three hours a night. Do I really need to explain what sleep deprivation does to your emotional and cognitive functioning? This is why sleep deprivation is a favorite device of torture: it’s easy, cheap, and very effective in breaking people down.
• You don’t see a way out of depression—not when you’re in the middle of it. Things that seem obvious to people on the outside are definitely not obvious to the person suffering depression. One evening I was watching America’s Funniest Home Videos with my family. One after another video amused me, but failed to make me laugh. Emotional numbness is a trait of depression. Then there was a video that made me laugh. I laughed so hard that I became hysterical. Then began crying and I was crying hysterically. I couldn’t speak, but even if I could have spoken, I couldn’t possibly have explained why laughing had made me cry so hysterically. In that moment, I believed that this was the last time I would ever laugh.
• Soon after this I began having suicidal hallucinations. I didn’t want to kill myself. I had no intention ever of killing myself. But these things were so real, so visceral, and so sudden that it was like I was living in the worst horror movie ever. It was always one of two very bloody scenarios. I will not describe them beyond simply saying that while I was hallucinating I could feel the cold steel of the knife, but no pain. I could feel the sudden hot gush of blood and smell the coppery-salt smell of hot blood. The hallucinations came while I was doing the most mundane tasks: making the bed, washing dishes, and once while I was bathing the baby. That last one was the most frightening of all because one moment I was holding his hand in one hand and a washcloth in the other and the next moment I was plunging a knife into my heart. When I came back to myself, I screamed for my husband to finish the bath and ran to hide in the closet[1].
• Therapy helps. Thank God my husband had good insurance through work. Otherwise we probably couldn’t have afforded therapy. I knew that I just needed someone to talk to, so I went to a counselor instead of a psychiatrist. At this point I had been depressed for almost a year. I wanted this to be over. So I went in and started talking right away about everything that was painful in my life. At first I was going once a week, but I told the counselor that for two days leading up to our sessions I started shaking, so I thought we should meet twice a week. Meeting twice a week meant that I was shaking all the time, but I was determined to get it all out. After meeting for two months, I finally began to feel some relief.
• Medication also helps. Years later, I suffered depression again as my marriage was ending. This time I wasn’t hallucinating, but was having suicidal thoughts every waking moment of every day. For example, I would look out the window at the barn and wonder if there was a good, strong rope to hang myself with. One day after two years of this I went to the garage and got into the car, leaving the garage door closed. Then I stuck my key in the ignition. It was the only concrete step toward suicide that I took. But instead of turning the key, I took the phone out of my pocket and dialed 911. When I told the operator what I was doing, she told me to go to the county mental health clinic. So that’s what I did, instead. The doctor there prescribed Prozac. Normally, I hate taking pharmaceutical drugs, but it saved my life. Not that it instantly cured the depression—it doesn’t work that way. But it gave me just enough of a cushion so that I could begin to think rationally again. And when I could think rationally, I realized that our marriage was never going to get better. It gave me the strength I needed to make the decision to leave.

It was during this time of horrific depression that I learned the Life Coaching skills that changed my life.

[1] My husband knew that I was suffering from depression, but knew nothing about the hallucinations.